viva Bob Vegas!

Who doesn't love a weekend in Vegas? And the best part, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!

Me and The King!

Yea, that's right, me and Elvis, chillin, drinkin a Bud, eatin cheetos, checking out the ladies! We're just a hunk, a hunk a burning love, baby!

Uhthankyou, thankyouverymuch!

Oh yea!

Now that's what I'm talkin Bout!

Arizona!

So, I ended up in Arizona, and figured what the hell, I'd like to pee into the Grand Canyon once in my life. So, I hooked up with Donkey here, (say Hi Donkey) and we headed out towards the canyon.

What a kick ass weekend!

After the long trip to Hollywood, (and a couple of six packs) It was time to head back home. So Donkey gave me a ride, and I made it back before my human noticed I was gone. Say Goodbye Donkey.

Mexico!

Si Senior, here I am down in Mexico. Man it's hot! It's like Africa hot! I don't think I can stay here if it gonna be this hot! Well, hot or not, I wouldn't recommend drinking the water, now the tequila, that's a whole other story!

OLE'

After the Tequila, and some Corona's, and more Tequila and some taco's (they have the best taco's here) I decided to go to the bull fights. Can ya see me? There were some hot little chaquita's there boy! But they were all hot over this idiot in the fancy pink and gold la mae pants who was trying to get this bull to jab him in the crotch. Now, my crotch has always had magical powers (ask anyone) but lately it seems to attract alcoholic beverages, let me explain.. The first incident occurred when I was lying on my human's bed watching the game, drinking a beer. I fell asleep and was soon awakened by the wet sensation of spilled beer foaming on my crotch. I jumped up immediately and narrowly avoided getting my human's new bedspread stained. I stood there, stunned, with my loins totally soaked. The next incident was when I was enjoying some wine that my human had gotten for a party. I was drinking it out of my plastic dog bowl as I watched reruns of Lassie. Sure enough, it turns out the bowl had a crack on the bottom of it and I once again wound up with a soaked crotch. Anyway's, as I said earlier, my crotch has magical powers (I'm learning new secrets about my it everyday) so there is no way in hell I'm gonna wave a red scarf in front of my crotch and torment an already pissed off bull! Common sense here people, common sense.

Scuba Bob!

Decided I would take a scuba lession before I left Mexico. And the rubber wetsuit, well, enough said!

ChinaTown

Yeah, everybody was kung foo fighting! HUH!

Well, here I am in ChinaTown. Had me some saki and some sushi, some more saki, barfed up the sushi. Tried to find me one of them geisha's but no luck, so ended up drinking another bottle of saki and went to watch sumo wrestling. (sorta like the wrestling you see on t.v. - not that I watch crap like that- except the guy's are fatter and wear diapers) So I sat down to watch these guys go at it, got me another bottle of saki, and well, I don't remember much after that...

Paris

(and we aint talkin Hilton here)

Rome

Here I am at the colussem in Rome. Was kinda dissapointed though, was looking forward to watching a real Gladiator battle, but all they had was a lame tour guide (and a ugly one too none the less) so I just peed on one of the walls and decided to take a look around.

So, I'm wandering around Rome...

and there is this huge crowd of people, so I said to myself, "Self, you should see what all the fuss is about". (I thought maybe the Hooter's girls were there giving out free chicken wings - no such luck) Anyway's, I make my way through the crowd, and this man in a dress comes up to me and mutters something about blessings, then pats me on my head. Now I like pats on the head as much the next dog. But normally, if some strange guy comes up to me, in a dress no less (hey that rhymes) and tried to pat my head, well I would rip his hand clean off and piss down his arm. So, this guy reached to pat my head, and I'm already for the attack, when all of the sudden I saw this beautiful light and heard harps playing, and I heard this voice say, "Dude, it's ok for this guy to pat your head! " So, I let him. After that I really had a craving for chicken wings and a beer, so I set off to find a Hooter's.

LOndon

Hello old chaps! (That's how they talk over here) Here I am in front of Big Ben. Don't understand why the don't just call it Big Clock. Common sense people, common sense! Anyways, people here drive really fast and on the wrong side of the road. Don't know what these crazy Londoner's are drinking at "tea time" but it's got everyone screwy! I'm outta here!

Here I am in Disney Land. I ate snow cones, and dippin dots, and hot dogs, then I rode the Dumbo ride till I got sick. Did you know if you hurl on the Dumbo ride that your puke goes backwards? Gravity is so cool! Oh, just to let you know, if you pee on the statue of Mickey, they 86 you from the park.

New York

Got me a bobble head of The Statue of Liberty at the gift shop. That will look nice next to my food bowl.

Holy Crap...

Ok, so I'm in Tokyo see, enjoying the sights, sniffing around, when I go to lift my leg on what I thought was this huge tree. Well, turns out it ain't no tree. Yep, I tinkled on GODZILLA! Boy, was he pissed. (no pun intended) Well, of course I'm in a major panic, and I start to run, but when I looked around none of the humans were running or screaming for their lives, so I asked myself, "Self... how come these humans aren't running or screaming for their lives?" Well it turns out that all those Godzilla movies aren't really movies after all, but documenteries! It's true! A bilingual dog over there told me the whole story. Turns out, the goverment made a deal with Godzilla to make these films. Tourism increases, they feed the tourists to Godzilla, in exchange for protection of their city! Godzilla is The Godfather of Tokyo. Be afraid, be very afraid!